


Missing Memories

by Crimson Illusions (lepetiterik), Seedling_lotus



Category: D.Gray-man, Saiyuki
Genre: Family, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:13:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 7,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3145475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lepetiterik/pseuds/Crimson%20Illusions, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seedling_lotus/pseuds/Seedling_lotus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can't really lose four years of memories, can you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

“Aki, Alma; it’s time for bed,” Kanda said gently, resting his hand on the boys’ shoulders as said children nodded off for the fifth time in the last twenty minutes. Aki mumbled something and Gojyo chuckled from the couch. Kanda smiled at the elder redhead before scooping up their sons. “Let’s get you two to bed, munchkins.”

Aki wrapped his little arms around Kanda’s neck and buried his face into the swordsman’s shoulder, mumbling incoherently. Kanda hummed the lullaby from Mater as he carried Aki to his room, laying the boy down on his bed and gently unwrapping his arms. Once Aki had released him, the boy curled on his side, burrowing into his pillow.

“Sleep well, my Little Heart,” Kanda murmured, pressing a kiss to Aki’s temple before he pulled the covers up around the boy’s shoulders and left the room. He closed the door quietly behind him and carried Alma to his bedroom as well. Once the youkai boy was tucked in, Kanda returned to the living room, dropping down on the couch next to Gojyo.

“Maybe we should go to bed too,” Gojyo said with a chuckle when Kanda slumped over, leaning against the redhead’s shoulder. Kanda hummed contentedly and Gojyo scoffed and smiled, wrapping an arm around Kanda and pulling him closer.

“Maybe,” Kanda agreed. They stayed like that for nearly five minutes more before Gojyo decided it was actually time for bed and slipped out from beside Kanda. Kanda slumped over awkwardly and Gojyo broke down in a fit of muffled laughter, doubling over to the point where he had to plant a hand on the coffee table to prevent himself from falling over. Kanda stuck his tongue out at the taller man as he sat back up; turning his head in an attempt to hide the pout he would deny having.

“Let’s go to bed,” Gojyo said, smiling once he’d gotten himself under control, offering a hand to Kanda. Kanda huffed but took the hand and Gojyo hauled him up, pulling him straight into a hug. Kanda hugged him back before pulling away, trailing toward their bedroom and stifling a yawn against the back of his hand. Gojyo laughed and followed after at a slightly faster pace, sweeping Kanda off his feet into a bridal-style hold once he was close enough.

“Oi!” Kanda yelped quietly, glaring up at Gojyo but not fighting. Gojyo snorted a laugh and kissed Kanda. Kanda’s arms wound around Gojyo’s neck, pulling the swordsman closer to his hanyou lover.

“I think you said something about going to bed,” Kanda murmured against Gojyo’s lips when they separated for air, glancing up into Gojyo’s blood-red eyes.

“Yes, yes I did,” Gojyo purred, smirking as he moved into the bedroom, letting Kanda down in favor of pinning him to the bedroom door, closing it with both of their weight.

“This is not a bed,” Kanda said, smirking back as his fingers trailed down Gojyo’s chest to slip under the bottom of his wife-beater.

“Mmm, no it’s not,” Gojyo agreed. “But it is so much easier to get you naked when you’re not lying on your clothes.” Kanda felt fingers deftly sliding under the large t-shirt he was wearing, pushing it up and smirked. As soon as Gojyo got the shirt over Kanda’s head, Kanda grabbed him by the belt loops and pulled him closer, leaning up to claim the redhead’s lips.

Gojyo groaned quietly, wrapping his arms around Kanda’s waist and pressing even closer. Kanda smirked into the kiss and worked Gojyo’s shirt off too, any trace of his doziness from before erased by the press of warm skin against his bare chest.

Kanda’s head snapped back when Gojyo bowed his head to kiss a line up Kanda’s throat, knocking against the wood of the door with a dull thud, digging his ponytail painfully into the back of his head. Kanda couldn’t care less though, his fingers immediately burying themselves in Gojyo’s blood red hair. He could feel Gojyo smirk against his neck and squirmed slightly.

Kanda didn’t notice that Gojyo had been working on the button and zipper of his pants until he felt them slide down his thighs, taking his boxers with them. He didn’t get long to focus on the unfairness of it because Gojyo pulled him close, spinning them both around so they toppled onto the bed. Gojyo vanished for a moment, but Kanda was too dazed to look for him. He returned seconds after he left, lying himself over Kanda, warm flesh pressing against warm flesh without the hindrance of cloth. Kanda hummed contentedly, wrapping his arms around Gojyo’s shoulders and dragging him down for a kiss even as he heard a very familiar bottle snapping open.


	2. Chapter 1

The first thing Kanda noticed when he woke up was that he was alone followed in quick succession by the facts that he was lying on his back and that he was clothed. He distinctly remembered falling asleep naked and on his stomach on top of Gojyo.

Kanda’s eyes flashed open and he sat up fast, worried that last night had been a dream like he’d had so many times the year Gojyo’d gone missing. He blinked, confused when he found himself looking around his old room at the Order.

 _What the fuck am I doing here?_ Kanda thought, frowning. He moved to get out of bed and felt a pinch on the inside of his left elbow. Looking down he found an IV stuck in his arm. He froze. He’d only ever had an IV once, and that was when he’d been injured so severely he’d fallen into a coma.

“No, no, no, no,” Kanda breathed, fingers scrambling to rip the needle from his arm. He didn’t even care that he did more damage than good by doing so, blood trickling down his arm as he scrambled, wide eyed, into the corner at the head of his bed, curling into it. “This can’t be happening.”

He sat there staring in wide eyed shock at his door for nearly half an hour before he heard someone slide a key into the lock and the door opened. Komui slipped in, examining some sheets of paper on a clip board. When he looked up he froze.

“Kanda, you’re awake,” he said, blinking.

“How long was I out?” Kanda asked, voice rasping.

“About a month,” Komui said. “Allen went and found you in Mater a couple days after he dropped you and Alma there.”

“A month?” Kanda choked.

“Yes… Kanda, are you okay?” Komui asked, frowning at the swordsman.

“I’m… I’m fine,” Kanda managed to choke out past the lump that had formed in his throat. It was hard to breathe.

“Forgive me if I don’t believe you,” Komui said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry before.”

Kanda froze, raising shaking fingers to touch his cheek. They came away wet and he registered the burning paths his tears were leaving down his face. He stared at the saline drops on his fingers for a moment before his vision blurred even more.

“Kanda?” Komui asked.

“Get out!” Kanda screamed, head snapping up to glare at Komui, his face twisted with a nameless hurt anger. “Just get the fuck out and leave me alone!” When Komui didn’t move, Kanda lunged, hand closing around the pole of the stand that had been holding his IV bag and chucking the metal contraption at the scientist in blind rage. Komui failed to dodge completely, one of the metal hooks at the top catching him in the head and tearing a gash into his forehead.

“Get out,” Kanda repeated, curling back into the corner at the head of his bed. He closed his eyes, burying his face into his arms. He held his breath until he heard Komui leave, closing and locking the door behind him before letting out a ragged sob.

 _It can’t have been a dream,_ Kanda thought desperately. One didn’t just dream four years of life with people they had never even met in a world they didn’t know. One didn’t dream things like that, right? Kanda’s thoughts circled and he slumped over, uncurling in favor of trying to smother his shaky sobs into his pillow. _Please let it not have been a dream. Please…_

 


	3. Chapter 2

The birds were singing as Gojyo fumbled with the alarm. The sun was streaming through the half open blinds and rolled over, knowing he should get up to go check on the boys. It was a weekend so they could sleep in, but he knew they wouldn’t. Gojyo sat up, looking around the room. Something seemed off in there, but nothing looked out of place. Gojyo shrugged and started the first cigarette of the day.

Heading out into the kitchen he started a cup of coffee and turned around to say something to… no one? _Definitely need coffee._ Soon he heard the patter of feet as Aki came out of his room, dragging his feet and rubbing his eyes.

“Morning, kiddo” Gojyo greeted the boy. “Your brother still asleep?”

Aki nodded, “Yeah.” Gojyo set cereal and a bowl on the table and sat back down. It wasn’t too much longer before Bai came out as well, plopping into the third chair at the table. There was one empty chair at the table. For some reason that seemed odd to Gojyo. There should be a fourth, right? No, that didn’t make sense. There had always been the three of them.

They made some small talk and teased each other while they all ate breakfast. It seemed normal but Gojyo just couldn’t shake the feeling something was off.

* * *

 

Gojyo had a shift that night, so after making and then playing around with leaf piles with his boys, Gojyo took them over to Hakkai’s to play with his kids so he could head off to work. As they watched the kids all playing together, Gojyo turned to Hakkai.

“Who would’a thought we’d both end up with kids, huh?”

Hakkai looked at him, “It is certainly an interesting thought. Especially since we are both single fathers here.”

“Yeah, about that, do you ever get the feelin’ like you’re missing something but you don’t know what it is?” Gojyo asked.

“What do you mean?” Hakkai asked, giving Gojyo an odd look.

“I dunno, it’s nothin’ I guess. Just a weird feeling today.”

Gojyo left not too long after the conversation to go to the bar. Something still felt off. Like he was missing something. He checked for his keys and wallet for the sixteenth time that hour.

Something caught Gojyo’s eye at the end of a bar. There was someone with a high dark ponytail sitting at the end. Gojyo went down, asking if they needed a drink. The woman turned around, ordering some fruity sweet drink.

That didn’t seem right. He knew he heard the drink right but the image of that ponytail just didn’t reconcile with the sweet drink. He couldn’t stop looking over at the woman who was chatting with the other ladies she came in with. Oddly, Gojyo wasn’t interested but there was something about the woman that tugged something at the back of his mind. It wasn’t the woman per say, but something seemed to remind him of something. Gojyo just couldn’t place what.


	4. Chapter 3

Lavi had been expecting to be able to relax when he got back from his mission. The mission had gone well, but it was still quite taxing in its own right. Akuma extermination certainly wasn’t for the faint of heart.

But despite his tentative plans for a nice bath and a good eighteen hours of sleep, he found those plans quite soundly shattered. Komui informed him that Kanda had woken up three days ago. Good news, save the grave expression on Komui’s face and the yellow/purple bruise on his forehead. The scratch in the middle didn’t look promising either. And when Allen passed him in the hall with hand shaped bruises barely hidden beneath the collar of his shirt, Lavi knew something was definitely up.

Putting off his bath and rest, Lavi made his way to Kanda’s room. Bookman would probably bitch at him later for not doing any work, but Lavi figured that recording what was going on with the Order’s most successful exorcist who wasn’t a General might get him a pass this one time.

“Kanda?” he called quietly, knocking at the swordsman’s door.

* * *

 

The knock at the door startled Kanda out of his semi-frantic memory sifting. As far as he could tell, all of his memories were perfectly intact. The voice that came along with it had Kanda scrambling out of bed and stumbling to the door. He ripped it open, and grabbed Lavi in a giant bear hug, uncaring of the fact that the man smelled of sweat, dirt, and death.

“Oh thank god,” Kanda muttered.

It was barely a moment later when he noticed that Lavi was standing there rather stiffly instead of hugging him back. Kanda released his best friend and stepped back, peering up at the slightly taller youth through his messy bangs.

“Kanda?” Lavi asked. “Are you okay?”

Staring blankly for a moment, Kanda tried to wrap him mind around the situation. Flickers of memories sped through his mind. Lavi and Hakkai standing in the town square on New Year’s while the fireworks went off; Lavi’s long arms wrapped around a sweater clad Hakkai, and their first child, Chioma, standing in front of them. Lavi reading to all of the children in the park. Lavi wearing Hakkai’s sweater to answer the door on some holiday. None of it reconciled with the man standing before Kanda right then, and he stepped back further, shaking his head.

“You don’t remember… Why don’t you remember?”

“What don’t I remember?” Lavi asked, stepping forward into the room. He closed the door and flicked the lights on, revealing Kanda’s messy bed, and the IV stand still lying on the floor.

“The mission?” Kanda hedged, slipping over to his bed like a skittish animal and crawling to sit in the corner. “We went on a mission to India,” Kanda said. “It was barely a month after the thing in America, and I’d just gotten back three days before. You, me, Allen, Lenalee, Link, and Bookman. Do you remember that?”

“Kanda… That never happened,” Lavi said. “The thing in America barely happened a month ago as it is.”

“No, it didn’t!” Kanda shouted. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting it out slowly.

“Tell me what happened,” Lavi said, moving to sit on the foot of Kanda’s bed. “You said we went on a mission, what happened?"


	5. Chapter 4

Kanda took a few more deep breaths before opening his eyes. He scanned Lavi’s face, and found that the young man’s Bookman persona had taken center stage, so to speak. Perhaps that was for the best.

With one, last, steadying breath, Kanda started to explain as best he could. He told Lavi about how Allen was abducted by Road, and found his way back using the Ark. He explained that the thing in America happened between Allen’s abduction and when they left on the mission. He explained about the Youkai, and the Ikkou, and how they joined forces to be more effective. How Kanda had played ambassador for a while so the groups could remain mostly separate. He explained what he knew of the fight with Road, and then the fight with Ukoku. The months they spent healing, and the damage done to each of them. He went on to say how everything ended, and how Road brought them home.

“Wait, seriously?” Lavi asked. “You’re saying that, if this series of events occurs, the War will end within a year?”

“But it’s not going to happen, is it?” Kanda asked solemnly, staring into Lavi’s singular green eye.  
“There’s more, you know. More that happened, later.”

“Okay, what else happened?”

Kanda spent what felt like forever talking. His throat got dry, and his voice got scratchy, but he didn’t stop. He explained Wisely, and everything that happened during that. With a bit of effort, he brought himself to explain the Projects and their consequences. He talked fondly on Aki and Alma, and even mentioned Lavi’s own kids.

* * *

Lavi listened, astounded, as Kanda explained years and years of a life neither of them had led, or would lead. The swordsman was smiling as he did so, though Lavi was positive that Kanda didn’t know that. He talked about the houses they owned, and the kids they had. Their jobs, and lovers, and the happy times that would never be.

For all of it, Lavi wasn’t entirely convinced that Kanda’s story was a dream he’d cooked up while in the coma. There was a touch of earnest emotion that never really transferred from dream to reality, yet Kanda was showing it clearly. He smiled, and cried, and even laughed a little bit in that morose way of people who’ve lost the actual cause of the laughter. It was like he was reciting memories.

“Hey, do you have the scars?” Kanda asked abruptly, sitting up a little straighter.

Lavi blinked and stared at him blankly for a moment. “What scars?”

“The ones on your back,” Kanda said. “You got clawed pretty badly and then ended up ripping your stitches. I remember that you ended up with scars.”

“I don’t have any scars on my back,” Lavi said. Kanda deflated like a punctured balloon, dropping his chin onto his knees.

“I was so sure,” he muttered. Lavi sighed and turned his back to Kanda, shucking off his coat onto the bed.

“Why don’t you check then,” Lavi suggested.

After a minute or two, Lavi heard Kanda shuffle over, and felt slender fingers hike up the back of his shirt. Kanda made a quiet, shocked noise, and then Lavi felt his fingertips tracing over his skin. It felt weird though. Like he was touching scar tissue.

“They’re still here,” Kanda murmured.

But that was impossible. He was a Bookman’s apprentice. He remembered everything. So why couldn’t he remember getting those scars? That wasn’t exactly something that a person just forgot, not even a normal person.

* * *

Lavi would never admit to having fled Kanda’s room. He had not run from his best friend. He had just left. Quickly. Without saying anything…

Okay, so he fled. To the washrooms to be precise. He found himself standing in front of one of those wall length mirrors with the back of his dirty green shirt hiked all the way up to his shoulder staring at the silvery-pink scars that stretch from his hip to his opposite shoulder.


	6. Chapter 5

Saturday nights were is his late nights. It kinda sucked but at least he got weeknights and Friday nights with the kids and he usually got tipped well. Gojyo walked home. He lived much closer to town these days. He remembered when he first moved in. It was nice to have more space and the kids really liked it. He had been surprised and sort of angry that… that what? Gojyo stopped walking in the middle of the street.

There it was again. That feeling. He was forgetting something. He knew it was important but he just couldn’t place what. Gojyo shook his head and lit a new cigarette. This was gunna drive him nuts.

When Gojyo got home, he turned on all the lights and started looking around. Something was missing and he couldn’t place what it was. Nothing seemed out of place and that was the most frustrating part. Gojyo searched for a half an hour before he finally collapsed on the couch. Too tired to look anymore, he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

_In his dreams there was a man whose face he knew but name he did not and every time Gojyo got close, he’d slip away. He spent the night chasing the man through room after room, never getting more than a glimpse of him._

* * *

Gojyo woke up on the couch the next morning. It wasn’t too often he fell asleep there anymore.

Pulling a cigarette out of his pocket, he tried to remember what he was dreaming about last night, only really remembering the glimpse of the man he couldn’t name. He still had that missing feeling too.

Gojyo headed over to Hakkai’s to pick up the kids and snag some breakfast. When he got there, everyone was already at the table. He ruffled Aki and Bai’s heads and greeted Hakkai.

“Morning,” he said.

“Good night?” Hakkai asked.

“Eh, not too bad,” Gojyo said, snagging a piece of bacon off Alma’s plate. Gojyo did a mental double take. Where the hell did the name Alma come from?

The kids went off to play again and Gojyo was left picking up dishes with Hakkai.

“Do we know anyone with a long black ponytail?” Gojyo asked.

Hakkai frowned in thought, “I don’t think so. Why?”

“’Cause you know when you get something stuck in your head but you don’t know what it is? I got this face stuck in my head and I can’t think of who it belongs too,” Gojyo said.

“Is it someone you may have slept with?” Hakkai asked, mostly serious.

“Ha, real funny Hakkai,” Gojyo rolled his eyes. “Nah, it’s a dude I just don’t know who the guy is.”

Hakkai sighed thinking. “I can’t say I’ve seen any man matching that description.”

Gojyo shrugged. “Eh, it’ll come to me. It’s just driving me nuts.”

 

 


	7. Chapter 6

Life had gone back to “normal” fairly quickly after Lavi ran out of Kanda’s room. Ten minutes after, the redhead had returned and coaxed/forced Kanda to join him at the baths so they could both get cleaned up. Then, after a trip to see Matron for both of them, it was off to Jerry and then a spot of light training. Lavi insisted that Kanda give him all the details he could about the years Kanda remembered.

But then it seemed like life just went on. Lavi was sent on another mission. Kanda was being held on medical leave because Komui wasn’t quite sure he was okay yet. Kanda’s only relief was that Lavi seemed to believe him, if only somewhat.

It was about two weeks after “waking up” that it crossed Kanda’s mind that he should look for Road. He tried asking about her, but Allen seemed to think she was dead, and the rest of the Order seemed to agree. Kanda could only pray that that wasn’t the truth.

About a month after waking up, Kanda was finally cleared for field work again. Given the life he was used to, sitting still for a month had just about driven him up the wall. That said, even once he was cleared, Komui was only giving him small dispatch missions. Small groups of low level Akuma in remote villages.

And it sucked. Because the low level Akuma knew jack shit. Kanda had tried questioning them, but they knew nothing. Nothing at all. If they could even talk, that is.

Maybe it was horrible, but Kanda prayed to a goddess who no longer held sway over his life that a mission would go horribly awry.

* * *

When Adam told him that it was a good time to fuck with the Exorcists again, Tyki had not expected it to turn out like this. It was just some small, nothing town on the southern coast of Italy. The exorcists should have come to dispatch the “low level” Akuma, and been overpowered by the swarm of level threes and fours that were waiting in the wings.

But the Exorcist, singular, spent more time questioning the Akuma than it took him to eradicate all of them. And then, because the exorcist just had to make things difficult, he stuck around, hunting for the nearest Noah.

In an effort to get things out of the way, Tyki went to great his unwitting foe. Only for the dour swordsman to break out in a grin at the sight of him and sheath his Innocence sword.

“Tyki!” the exorcist, one Kanda Yuu if Tyki remembered correctly, greeted. “Thank fucking god. Do you know where Road is?”

“What do you want with Road?” Tyki huffed. “Aren’t I a good enough opponent for you?”

“What? I don’t want to fight her,” Kanda said, frowning. “Or you.”

“Fucking hell, you don’t remember either,” Kanda muttered after staring down Tyki for five minutes.

“Don’t remember what?” Tyki said. “You’re the one who seems to be forgetting something. Like the fact that we’re enemies, perhaps?”

“Fuck you, where’s Road?” Kanda said. “I need her help.”

“You need Road’s help,” Tyki said flatly. “You. An Exorcist. Need Road’s help.”

“Yes, I believe that is what I said,” Kanda snapped, glaring. “I need Road’s help.” He waited for a moment but Tyki didn’t say anything. “Fine, if you won’t tell me where she is, will you at least tell me if she’s still alive?”


	8. Chapter 7

It had been a couple of weeks and that nagging missing feeling just wouldn’t go away. It would hit him most often at night when his bed felt strangely empty. Not in the way that he needed to fill it with someone but that someone should already be there.

And odd things kept cropping up. One night Aki asked for soba because they hadn’t had it in a while. But besides the fact Gojyo had no clue how to go about making that, he had no recollection of ever having made it before. Aki was adamant they had it, but even Bai said they never had.

On the subject of Bai, Gojyo for some reason kept almost calling him Alma. He had no idea who Alma was or why he wanted to call Bai that.

* * *

Gojyo was looking for one of his long sleeved shirts. It had been colder lately and with that feeling of something missing still kicking around every now and then, he was bound and determined to find that shirt.

He was digging around in the back of his closet when he stumbled on a box. He pulled it out, popping off the dusty lid.

Well it wasn’t his shirt, but there was a photo album. Gojyo opened it.

The album contained at first a few old drawings of a young boy with dark long hair. Gojyo turned the page and there were a few old fashioned photos of what looked like an older version of the young boy from the previous pictures. Gojyo’s chest tightened when he recognized the face of the boy as the face kicking around in his mind for the last month.

Most of the pictures were dated with captions. The boy’s name was Kanda, the dates reading from the late 1800s.

Gojyo turned the page again, his hands tightening on the album. The photos suddenly turned to full color modern photos, dated 1985. The man in the picture looked like he must have been a relative of the boy in the prior photos because he was a dead ringer for him, same name too. But that wasn’t what caught Gojyo’s interest; it was the fact he was in some of these photos on what looked like the trip to India. If that were the case, then Gojyo should know this guy, but beyond seeming familiar, Gojyo had no recollection of him. Whoever Kanda was, by these photos he was in Gojyo’s life. But that made no sense.

Flipping through the next few pages, Gojyo was in more and more of the photos together with this guy. There was even one that looked like they had been caught together in bed. Gojyo had had his share of unmemorable one-night stands but he didn’t think he could drink enough to erase all of this.

He continued flipping through, eventually getting to pictures of him, Aki, and this Kanda. A bit later, there were pictures of Bai, but the captions read Alma.

That was weird. That’s the name he almost kept calling Bai.

He spent a good half an hour flipping through the pages. Gojyo realized that something was missing after all. About four years’ worth of memories.

 


	9. Chapter 8

Lavi did not yelp when he was dragged backwards into a dark, unused hallway. He definitely did not yelp. Nope. Not at all…

He may have flailed though because he felt his elbow hit a nose, and then the nose break. The hand in his collar let go, and Lavi heard muffled swearing as he spun around. Kanda stood there glaring with a hand cupped over his nose, carefully trying to straighten it out before it healed.

“Jesus Christ, that was entirely unnecessary,” Kanda spat, wiping blood off his face.

“You scared me!” Lavi exclaimed, glaring back.

“Oh shut up, I need your help,” Kanda said. “Road is still alive.”

“What?!” Lavi yelped again. Kanda shot him a glare that had him falling silent.

“You’ve been in the Dream with her,” Kanda said. “Did you really think she’d die that easily?”

“Kanda, this is insane,” Lavi hissed, grabbing Kanda’s arm to restrain him.

“No it’s not,” Kanda snapped. “You’ve got the scars, and you’re even calling me Kanda. Why?”

“I… I don’t know,” Lavi admitted. “But we can’t just go fraternizing with the enemy!”

“She’s not the enemy!” Kanda said, throwing his hands up. “God damn it Lavi. She can help!”

“You don’t want her in your head like that,” Lavi said.

“Yes, I do. God damn it, if you’re not going to help you, you better stay the fuck out of my way,” Kanda snarled. “We’ve got kids back there, and I, for one, am not going to give up that easily.”

* * *

After their minor argument in the hallway, Kanda went up to the roof while Lavi disappeared, claiming something about needing to research something. It was cool and breezy, and the low hanging clouds seemed almost close enough to touch though they definitely weren’t. Kanda found himself a semi comfortable place to sit under a little overhang with a clear view of the sky and the forest surrounding the Order’s new Headquarters.

“Bosatsu,” Kanda said quietly, looking up at the cloudy sky. “I know I’m decades too early, and half a world away from where you hold sway, but I’m begging you. Please, if you remember this when it matters, is there anything you can do?”


	10. Chapter 9

Gojyo brought the album to his shift, shoving it under his jacket in the back room. Hakkai worked more regular hours so the kids usually went there after school and Gojyo would pick them up. When he got there, he was nearly bowled over by his two rugrats. Ruffling their hair, he slipped off his shoes and let himself be pulled inside, saying hi to Hakkai as he was pulled over to see what they had been working on.

After a while, they turned back to their homework and projects and Gojyo slipped away to ask Hakkai about the album.

Hakkai studied the pictures just as intently as Gojyo had, his face neutral as he leafed through the pages. “This doesn’t make any sense,” he said at last.

“You’re telling me,” Gojyo said, leaning down over the album. “How the hell do we not remember this shit?”

“Young ears,” Hakkai chided, “but I agree, this is certainly puzzling and upsetting. It seems as if we have lived whole lives without realizing it.”

“Nah man, that’s way too freaky.”

They discussed the possibilities for a while before both deciding that they must be missing memories and that it might be a good idea to ask Sanzo about what might be going on.

“It’s been years and he hasn’t lightened up at all, but if he can tell us what’s going on the I’ll even thank his holy ass,” Gojyo said.

“Language,” Hakkai chided again. “That does seem like our best course. Do the children know about the album?”

“I didn’t tell ‘em, no. But I don’t think they remember anything either.”

* * *

It was a few days before they had the opportunity to get to the Temple. Goku took the kids to go run around and wrestle in the garden while the Hakkai, Gojyo, and Sanzo talked.

“Sanzo, we’ve found something troubling,” Hakkai began.

“Troubling?” Sanzo raised an eyebrow. “How ‘troubling’?”

“Like ‘four years’ worth of memories missing’ troubling,” Gojyo said, dropping the album down the desk on top of Sanzo’s papers. Sanzo leveled him a glare before opening the album.

After a few pages, he looked up. “Where did you find this?”

“In my closet,” Gojyo answered.

“I honestly don’t know what to make of it. It seems we know these people intimately and neither Gojyo nor I have the recollection of knowing them at all,” Hakkai tried to explain.

“And what do you want me to do about it?” Sanzo said.

“Gee Sanzo, sit there and do nothing,” Gojyo rolled his eyes. “We didn’t know if you heard anything or knew anything. We’re drawing blanks here.”

“Well I don’t, smartass. I don’t know anything about this,” Sanzo shot back.

Hakkai jumped in to prevent them from getting in each other’s faces. “Is this something you could ask the three aspects about? Since they seem to have been on our trip to India if these pictures are real.”

“I will see what I can find out,” Sanzo said.

 


	11. ~MEANWHILE IN HEAVEN~

“Just what is going on down there?” Bosatsu muttered, looking down on her favorite pass-times.

“What is it?” Jiroushin asked as he approached the goddess.

“There seems to be an unnatural lapse in memory and I don’t like it when someone interferes with my fun,” she said as she got up.

“Where are you going?” Jiroushin asked, trailing behind her.

“To see who is interfering,” was her only reply.


	12. Chapter 11

Lavi couldn’t believe that he had agreed to go with Kanda when the swordsman slipped out of the Order. He also couldn’t believe that Kanda led him to a tiny town in Italy. Three days after leaving the Order, Lavi nearly had a heart attack because Kanda ran up to two of the strongest Noah and wrapped one of them in a hug.

“Road, thank the gods,” Kanda said. Tyki and Lavi stood on opposite sides of the awkward hug, staring in confusion.

“Kanda,” Road greeted. “When Tyki told me you were looking for me, this was not the reception I was expecting.”

Kanda let Road go and backed off a bit, holding her at arms’ length. “I need your help.” He said. “I need you to look at my memories. I know you can’t do it like Wisely does, but I need you to see.”

“I was just in your head months ago,” Road said. “What memories could you possibly have gained in the past few months that are so important?”

“Just look,” Kanda said. “Please.”

“Fine, you crazy man, I’ll look at your brain,” Road huffed. “But not on the street. If any of your goddamn Order finds us, we’re all screwed.”

With that agreement made, the four of them retreated to the only Inn in town. The owners gave them a room without question, recognizing Kanda from the last time he’d been there. It was all far too simple.

* * *

Road gasped as she essentially tripped out of Kanda’s mind, four years of memories not her own floating around in her head. Tyki was there to steady her, hands catching her shoulders easily. Lavi was similarly steadying Kanda, though he was frowning.

“What did you see?” Lavi asked.

“He already told you everything,” Road said.

“He was telling the truth?” Lavi asked.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Tyki asked. “I’m the only one here who doesn’t know.”

“The war was over,” Road spat. “Someone reversed the process and got rid of the memories. Except Kanda. He remembers for some reason.”

“Can you get us back?” Kanda asked.

“Maybe,” Road said. “But it will take time. I would need to find that dimension again, and your memories… Well the more recent times you’ve traveled between now and then, you were kind of drugged out of your mind or sick. You weren’t paying enough attention for me to find it easily.”

“One year,” Kanda said. “You have one year before I go hunt down a different lead.”

“That’s plenty of time,” Road said.

 

 


	13. ~MEANWHILE BACK IN HEAVEN~

“When I find out who did this, so help me!” The Merciful Goddess said as she returned to her quarters after yet another unsuccessful attempt to find out who was messing with time and memories. She had all the time in the world to find out but those below did not.


	14. Chapter 13

Neither Hakkai nor Gojyo heard from Sanzo for a few days. Gojyo was back in the bottom of his closet trying to see if he could find anything else.  While no more photo albums appeared, there was a box of clothing that contained a neatly folded uniform like the one Kanda wore in the pictures and an odd hourglass with a lotus inside. He placed the hourglass on the nightstand but put everything else back in the box. Who's things were these? However, their existence further proved they were missing memories and apparently people.

Gojyo didn’t tell Bai or Aki anything in case it really did turn out be nothing but he did slip in an odd question every now and then to see if they knew anything. Each time he was met with either a “Daddy, you’re silly” or blank stares.

* * *

It ended up being a few weeks after Sanzo had initially asked the floating heads. When Hakkai and Gojyo found themselves back in Sanzo’s office the door had barely closed before he started speaking “I don’t know who the hell you two pissed off but apparently according to the three aspects, someone must be purposefully messing with your timelines and memories. Which of course means your problems have fallen into my life.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re a great inconvenience for your holiness. How do we fix it?” Gojyo asked.

“You can’t.”

“Do you mean to say we will never regain our lost memories and apparently our partners or that things will eventually restore themselves?” Hakkai chimed in.

“I don’t know and neither do the aspects, but until further information presents itself, you’re stuck without your memories. Until that time,” he said now pointedly looking at Gojyo, “Try not to piss off any gods.”

“You’re a real riot, you know that,” Gojyo rolled his eyes at Sanzo.

There was nothing they could do but continue on with their lives. At one point, Gojyo did sit down and tell Aki and Bai. He showed them the pictures with all four of them and explained something had happened and their memories were hidden on them. This prompted a house search directed by Bai to try to find the hidden memories.

 


	15. Chapter 14

After the trip to Italy, Lavi went back to the Order. He thought Kanda was right behind him. Kanda had promised that he was going to come back in a moment. He just wanted to talk to Road a little more and he’d catch the next train.

But Kanda never showed up. His golem was off line, and his luggage was in his room, but Kanda never came back. Lavi wondered if he had lied about waiting a year to hunt down a new lead, and wondered where he might have gone if he had.

* * *

Road spent a long time searching through different dimensions for the one in Kanda’s memories. Or, at least, she thought it was a long time. It felt like a long time. Maybe it was only a month.

She did eventually find the dimension, but the timing was wrong. She had it for when it lined up with her original dimension, but not when Kanda and Lavi were forced to leave. That was probably the hardest part, trying to trace the dimension through the all-encompassing dimension of time.

She did it though and came out in a market. It was lively, the morning rush with fresh meat and produce all laid out. Road slipped through the crowd, following a mental map that wasn’t hers to find a very specific house. She knocked on the door and prayed to the god she hated so much.

Gojyo padded to the door, opening it to find a young girl. “Hello?”

“Are you Sha Gojyo?” Road asked, staring up at the tall, red haired man. He did look a lot like the man in Kanda’s memories, but she had to be sure. Kanda would try to kill her if she got it wrong.

“Yeah, do I know you?” Gojyo asked. Usually younger girls were asking for Aki…

“Do you know a man named Kanda?” Road asked, ignoring Gojyo’s question.

“Heh, that’s a good question,” Gojyo said.

“Do you have two kids?” Road pressed. “And pictures?”

“Yes? How do you know all this?” Gojyo was a little wary but maybe this meant they had answers.

“Oh thank god,” Road said, slouching slightly. “Kanda has been going kind of crazy trying to get back here.”

“Oh thank gods he’s real,” Gojyo said more to himself. “Does he know what’s going on?”

“He has no idea,” Road said. “I don’t either, for that matter, but he remembers everything. I believe he’s been praying to a Merciful Goddess as well.”

“Damn. We don’t remember anything and it’s driving us all nuts,” Gojyo said.

“Afraid I can’t help you there,” Road said. “I have to go fetch Kanda now before he rips the world apart or something.”

“’Kay, well thanks for finding us, I guess,” Gojyo said.

“You know that it’ll get figured out eventually, right?” Road said.

* * *

“What do you mean he’s not here?!” Road shrieked, shaking Lavi by the shoulders.

“He’s not here!” Lavi shouted back. “He never came back after we met in Italy.”

“God damn it!” Road yelled, letting Lavi go to pace. “You know what, no, fuck this. You’re coming with me.”

“Coming where?” Lavi protested even as Road grabbed his wrist and dragged him through the door she manifested.

“To meet your lover and help from that end while I try to find that fuck wit,” Road growled.


	16. ~MEANWHILE BACK IN HEAVEN AGAIN~

“If you so much as _ever_ so much as move a _hair_ out of place I will make sure you and all your reincarnations are forever unlucky and suffer the worst fates. Do I make myself clear?” The Merciful Goddess threatened one very terrified god who up until now had been harboring a grudge towards Kenren and Tenpou for centuries. He nodded fearfully.

“Good,” Bosatsu said brightly. “Now fix it.”

The god ran off to do as she said.


	17. Chapter 16

“Kanda! You violent asshole!” Road shouted as she hopped out of one of her doors, landing in front of the swordsman in question. “I told you I was looking. You gave me a year, and I fucking found that place, but you just had to fucking run off and look for yourself. You fucking idiot!”

“You found them?” Kanda asked.

“Yes, idiot, now let’s go,” Road huffed.

* * *

Gojyo really didn’t know what to expect when he got his memories back. One minute they were gone and then they were back. There was no sudden bombardment just that his anticipation of waiting on this Kanda became waiting for his Kanda. The name carried much more weight, filled with memories and associations.

* * *

Road nearly tripped when Kanda’s memories in her head were replaced with actual memories. Kanda glanced at her, and she grinned, leading him the last couple of feet to dump him in front of the house he used to live in with Gojyo where she’d left Lavi.

“Have fun boys,” she said, waving cheerily after shoving Kanda back into his own world.

* * *

Lavi was sitting on the front step of an old, nearly decrepit house when he found that he knew where he was. Road pushed Kanda out of one of her doors a moment later and waved before disappearing. Kanda looked around and seemed relieved, even to Lavi.

“Let’s go home,” Lavi suggested.

“Let’s,” Kanda agreed, smirking slightly before turning to the road and starting towards town.

* * *

“Gojyo!” Kanda called as he stepped into the house, well aware of the fact that Lavi was probably doing something similar at his own home.

“Kanda?” Gojyo said coming out of the other room, trailed by Aki and Alma who ran ahead to Kanda. Gojyo followed shortly pulling them all in a hug.

“Gojyo,” Kanda said, relieved. He hugged his boys back tightly. “It’s good to be back.”

“We’re glad to have you back,” Gojyo said with a chorus of agreement from the two little ones.

“I’m just glad you remember,” Kanda muttered. “And I guess I owe Bosatsu my thanks.”

“More than likely,” Gojyo said pulling away to look at Kanda.

“I missed you guys,” Kanda said.

“We missed you too, Tou-san,” Aki said.

“Yeah, we looked everywhere for our hidden memories,” Alma added.

“Did you now?” Kanda asked, smiling as he ruffled their hair. “Well it seems to have worked. Did you have fun?

They nodded. “Aki wanted soba at one point and if you thought my ramen as bad…” Gojyo grimaced.

“It was yucky!” Alma chirped.

“Oh my,” Kanda said. “I guess we’ll have to remedy that.”

“Yay!” Aki and Alma said, pulling away from the hug to jump up and down excitedly.

Gojyo pulled Kanda close again, whispering in his ear, “Then maybe I can give you a real welcome back.”

“I think I’d like that,” Kanda whispered, turning his head to kiss Gojyo on the corner of his mouth.

 

 


End file.
